Autonomy in Child Development
At 12 years your child in entering into her teenage years. He leaves behind all traces of childhood with skills approaching those of an adult. She will be able to make many of her own decisions, and she will be able to assume many responsibilities; however, her brain is still developing, as well as, her body. As a parent, you must remember he is not an adult and lacks the experience and full brain development of an adult. Actually, your teenage child needs your guidance as much as he always has. But your guidance must be given in a way that respects her rapidly maturing skill sets. Probably more than at any time, she needs your trust and understanding.
Cognitive Developmental Milestones
Being a teenager is truly difficult for several reasons, As a teenager, your body is developing in ways it never has before, your social world is expanding, you possess an awareness of yourself as an individual, and your responsibilities as an individual are expanding. For you, this is all new, confusing, and frightening. Although you have experienced the need for your ideas to make sense, at 12 years you begin to understand some basic principles of logic. Your thinking is becoming more formal and following principles of thought. You are using symbols more in your thinking, you are understanding figurative language. With these skills, you develop your own opinions and begin to question your parents statements.
As a parent, you will notice your child having her own ideas and using those ideas to question yours. This is normal development and you, as a parent, should not mistake this development as disobedience. When he questions your opinions, he is testing his own opinions against yours. Your child is now having ideas and opinions of his own. You need to respect this. If you show respect for your child’s opinions, there will be less tendency for her to argue with you. What is really happening is that your child is trying to understand herself. He is learning to think. At this age, your child is beginning to realize that adults are not always correct. This is a big change in her awareness of adults. Previously, she had thought that adults were always right. Don’t be surprised that your child notices anytime you are wrong. Adults being wrong is a new experience for him.
Social/Emotional Developmental Milestones
Your child is becoming her own person. The coming years will be dedicated to the process of separating herself from you. We say she is cutting the apron strings. Your child doesn’t know what is happening. She has loved you and needed you all her life then, suddenly, she finds herself separating from you. This separation is happening, because he is becoming his own distinct person. This person didn’t exist just a year ago. This development will also exhibit itself as a need for privacy. You should respect this need as it is an important part of your child’s development toward becoming a unique person. You should no longer walk into her bedroom unannounced. Asking to enter her room will show her that you respect her as her own person.
In these years your child is gaining more access to his emotions. He is discovering emotions he never knew he had. Emotional responses to the opposite sex are a big development and something totally new to your child. Your child will need to discuss these new experiences with you. Mostly, you will need to listen and ask questions that will help her discover this new world. In addition to encountering new emotions, your child is also learning to control his emotions. Thus, there will be times when his emotions dominate his thinking. Expect moodiness from your child. This is merely a sign that she is learning to manage her emotions and to respond to the world through her emotions. At these times, give your child space more than advice. Always be available to listen.
Language Developmental Milestones
Almost since birth, your child has been responding to increasingly abstract aspects of her environment. These responses to abstractions have been gradually appearing. In the next four years, these responses will accelerate. One area that involves abstraction is communication. Your child has acquired a rich vocabulary and can carry on conversation. The meaning of his speech will no longer be limited to words. The tone of her voice will begin to convey her intentions. Sarcasm is a typical emotion in teenage development. In sarcasm, your child is expressing his unhappiness with the situation. Sarcasm is not an act of disobedience but an act of communication. Take these occasions to teach your child other ways to express these feelings.
Your child’s responses to abstract aspects of her life also exhibits itself in her ability to use nonliteral expressions. This development becomes more visible at school. An example of literal speech is: ” the car is red.” An example of nonliteral speech is: “The moon stares like a hungry wolf.” With the ability to express herself in more complex ways, your child’s conversations will be longer and contain more information. Your job as a parent is to create an environment where these developing skills can flourish. The best way to do this is to become a good listener. Also, show interest in your child’s life and in all her achievements.
Movement/Physical Developmental Milestones
Your child’s physical development will be dramatic. A major part of your child’s concerns will be with his physical development. One might call these changes the gateway to adulthood. Your child will outgrow what is left of her childhood clothes. Your child will move into a new wardrobe. He will likely gain weight but that weight gain may level out. For both boys and girls, body hair will appear, and boys may need to shave, at least weekly. Some girls may begin their menstruation. These physical changes will produce large changes in your child’s self concept and self images. Their past development has brought large changes in them both mentally and physically. However, those changes occurred slower. These physical changes of puberty occur much faster. As a parent, you need to listen to your child’s concerns about his life. He is undergoing dramatic changes and they can be both frightening and confusing. Let your child know you are there for her to help her understand what is happening to her. Let him know that everyone experiences these changes.