Autonomy in Child Development
The most conspicuous development of this age is that your child is becoming an adult. You will lose the relationship of earlier childhood that is based upon your child’s need for your help and protection. During the next four years, your child will begin to take on the responsibilities of independence. Your job as a parent is to provide a caring, loving, and accepting environment in which this change into adulthood and personal independence can occur.
Cognitive Developmental Milestones
During the past four years, your child has been increasingly becoming his own person and distinguishing himself from you, his parent. This is a very important developmental task. If accomplished successfully, it will form the basis of a secure personality and greatly enhance your child’s chances for a successful and satisfying life. As has been stated in other blogs, your child needs your support during these years. Your child needs to listen. Your child needs to know that you welcome the independent person who is emerging through this wonderful process of physical and psychological development.
This independence will be seen in your child’s ability to have an opinion and to support that opinion with explanations. Allow your child to have opinions and beliefs different from yours. Instead of demanding that your child adopt the same opinions and beliefs as you, support him in understanding different beliefs and deciding which seems the most reasonable to him. Another developmental skill at this age that isn’t quite so noticeable is that of internalizing work schedules. This means you child will need less help in getting to activities in his daily schedule. Your child will begin to independently get up and get ready for school each day. Be sure to complement your child as she shows more independent responsibility in her life. This skill will be very important in her adult years.
Social/Emotional Developmental Milestones
Your child will begin to spend more time with her friends than her family. With this change in social interest will come an interest in sex. This change is very dramatic to your child, and he will need your help in understanding what is happening in his life. She will encounter feelings and emotions that she has never experienced. She will experience these emotions with an intensity that is new to her. During these years, your child needs an open relationship with you in which he feels comfortable talking about these new experiences. Remember, she needs you to listen; these experiences are new to her and, from her point of view, they are new to everyone. Your child will acquire negative attitudes toward the sexual experience if you, as a parent, had negative experiences during this phase of your development. If you have had such negative experiences, then you should get psychological help with your experiences. You don’t want to transfer them to your child.
Because your child is becoming more interested in his peers, you will notice an increase in his empathy for others. Spend some time talking to your child about his responsibility to others as a human being. Always encourage and reward your child’s acts that demonstrate empathy. Developing empathy to animals and the environment is a desirable trait to cultivate in your child. Encourage your child to become involved in activities like helping at a animal shelter or planting trees. Empathy is one of the most important characteristics you can cultivate in your child. Your own demonstration of empathy is critical for passing this characteristic to your child.
Language Developmental Milestones
Your child is beginning to look and sound like an adult more than like the child you treasured so much. When you talk to your child, you have the sense you are talking to an adult. But of course you are talking to a person still in her developmental stages. Still, your child will be having complex conversations with you, your child will possess much information, she can understand any figurative language, proverbs, and analogies. At this age your child is approaching full language development. However, remember your child’s store of information is just that, information. It is not knowledge. Your child can think logically, express herself in both speech and writing, but she lacks one critical ingredient. He does not have the life experience to appreciate the applications of the information he possesses. Thus, your child still needs your help to make responsible decisions.
In your efforts to help your child, don’t just tell her what to do. Show respect for her own mental and social skills and her status as almost an adult. Always be a good listener and try to understand your child’s position. Remember, in the end, your child has to make her own decisions. Your child has to learn the hard way; there is no other way to learn. An important teaching strategy is to let your child suffer some natural consequences of his decisions. As a parent, you can soften these consequences. Remember, your child is still a child.
In her communication skills, your child has mastered many of them. She can read, write, speak, and listen with near mastery of these skills. Your child will be able to speak and write persuasively. Your child will also have mastered the skill of speaking with different language in different settings. This is particularly true when he is with his peers. His peer group will have their own language that they never use with adults. This is an important step in your child’s goal of distinguishing himself from you.
Movement/Physical Developmental Milestones
At this time, your child will continue her developmental journey toward adulthood. She will continue to grow and that growth may be more for some children than for others. His skill sets and behaviors are resembling more those of an adult and so is her physical appearance. However, you as a parent must remember that your child is still a child and still needs your supervision and wisdom. Your child has the skills of an adult and looks like an adult, but he does not yet have the life experiences needed to make adult decisions. Without your support and help, your child can make decisions that will adversely affect her entire life. Developing an open, positive, loving, and caring relationship with your child is critical for you to provide this support your child needs. Your child has many of the characteristics of an adult and cannot simply be told what to do. Whether you like it or not, your child will have input into what he does with his life. As a parent, accept this reality and be there for your child to help her make the decisions she needs to make. Just remember, your child may accept your help; but in the end, she will make her own decisions.